I numerate the likely causes of my apparent lack of interest:
- Because I am not good at it (if marks are any indication): The classic chicken and the egg problem. Whether I am not performing because of my apathy, or whether I am apathetic because of my non-performance? A reinforcing circle, it is. Also, I might simply not be as intelligent as I like to think(or pretty dumb), specially for handling systems like 'courses'.
- No novelty: Another term, another set of courses. 22 years is enough time to get bored living the same cycle. The courses are also hardly ground-shaking.
- Superficial coverage of material: It seems as though the further I go in my studies, the more hurriedly and flippantly the topics are being covered. Engineering gave one semester for each course, management reduces it to 3 months. And moreover, neither the professors nor the administration expects you to be serious about studies.
- Bad instructors: Well, I will certainly not generalize this to all courses. But in courses with good instructors, I am almost always vigilant. And that seems to be less and less these days, although the minima would have come been sometime in my undergrad.
- Non-basic courses: For quite some time now, I have been convinced that mathematics is the only subject worth studying (and maybe physics). For all other qualitative/analytical courses, the general methodology is to assume some logical framework, and derive results. Now of course mathematics will play its part and you will get some pretty outcomes. Is that creating new knowledge? Even if you are interpreting new phenomenons about the world, as a student, what am I learning?
- Apathy of students towards education: I see hardly any of my classmates concerned with taking the theory further or connecting things or reading a subject outside curriculum out of interest. Personally, I find this rather depressing.
- Inconsequential topics: Hardly 10% of the material I learn will I need over my lifetime. And most high-scorers I know remember less about subjects or their implications than me. Overall, this questions any motives I may have of increasing effort.
- Inconsequential rewards: My favorite excuse. The grades are hardly a reflection of my expertise of the subject or my intelligence. It has also hardly any impact on my future career (although this might not be true as a whole, for a single individual subject, it rings true).
- Laziness: To all readers, I am lazier than thou. And I hold the label as an achievement.
- Attention Deficit Disorder(?) : Concentrating in class has always been difficult for me. For most of my engineering, most of the subjects I learned have been through re-reading the books, which is infinitely tougher when you are not enthusiastic about it.
- Deep Thought: (I like to think .. ) I think too much, as evidenced by this post. I also like fantasizing. Apart from the direct consequence of time wastage, I cannot remember a theory/formula until I know for myself it is perfectly sound given its premises.
- Inability to prioritize/Distractions: Like writing this post when I should be preparing for mid-term examinations, I do a lot of things at the wrong time and at the wrong place. This does not explain apathy, but rather lack of performance.
So some factors seem to be internal(laziness, deep thought), some course related(inconsequential) and how it is conducted(superficial, bad instructors), and some systematic(apathy of students, no novelty).
Any solutions?
Some proverbs which come to mind are -
- Hard work beats intelligence
- The classic Gita proverb 'karm karo, phal ki chinta mat karo'. (Do your duty, don't worry about outcomes)
- Hell is other people
PS - I hope no future employer will judge me adversely on reading this post, for I have just been a little honest (at least as much as I mentally find myself to be at the moment).
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